Lies.

• Henry Hyde is dead. I actually lived in Hyde's district for a large portion of my childhood. It was a place where mothers of three stayed slim and tan, children could safely play in the streets, and rain might as well be illegal. It was also a place where girls got institutionalized for an "eating disorder" because they came down to dinner late, where ten-year-old boys come to school talking about fingering their girlfriends the night before, where teens hit heights of drug-fueled depravity I have never seen or heard of before or since (from people of any age group), and where they have to put up street signs discouraging domestic violence. I'm not blaming Henry Hyde for this, of course. However, I do see him as a product of the repressive, sweep-anything-unpleasant-under-the-rug, denial-based branch of conservatism that yielded such a fucked up place. The world will be a better place when the legacy of Hyde and his ilk is a cautionary tale for more sensible generations to come.
  
  
• I don't have words for how big of a jackass Rudy Giuliani is. I mean . . . it's . . . ugh. HE'S TALKING ABOUT ENERGY CONSERVATION AT A FUCKING NASCAR RACE. WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE? HOW HAS OUR COUNTRY SUNK THIS LOW?
  
  
• David Obey is pretty awesome.
  
  
• "Bernie, stop helping."
  
  
• For as much as I've followed the primaries up to this point, I really could've been doing something else with my time. Because as people really start paying attention, there's no telling what the hell is going to happen, and all the speculation about someone having the election in the bag is probably going to turn out to be a load of crap. This is when politics gets fun.
  
  
• The U.S. Department of Agriculture shot 87,000 coyotes from planes last year. Expect some PETA protests when former Secretary of Agriculture Mike Johanns starts holding rallies for his Senate campaign. This is the guy we're getting to replace Chuck Hagel?
  
  
• The government is bloated and unwieldy and corrupt and we should dismantle as much of it as possible. Unfortunately, we don't yet have some key pieces which we really need, which are going to be bloated and unwieldy and corrupt and as Wonkette explains, absolutely necessary.
  
  
• I look forward to when this gets blamed on four guys who spent the 70's smoking pot and listening to Jethro Tull, a la WM3.
  

A conversation between me and Wyl from yesterday:
Wyl: Fred Thompson is still running for president?
Tim: Apparently.
Wyl: Someone should tell him.
Tim: Nah, he's cranky when you wake him up.
And if you want to know why he's so cranky when you wake him up, it's because he's polling at 2.8% in Hew Hampshire. What makes it even better is looking at the actual polling graph and seeing at the little blip on the screen that is the Fred Thompson line. It goes up for a little bit and then drops just as fast. I just don't think that'll ever stop being funny. This is one of those moments that reinvigorates your faith in democracy.

Backtracking

• George W. Bush touts his "firsthand" virtual reality combat experience. Sometimes it seems like his presidency is conducted in virtual reality.
  
  
• Mike Huckabee isn't as sterling as he likes to paint himself.
  
  
• Trent Lott resigns and we all do a little dance. It's pretty sweet news, even if a Democrat doesn't take the seat.
  
  
• If Hillary steamrolls Obama, what does that say about celebrity against the grass roots? It's still two months until "Tsunami Tuesday" and who knows what's going to happen (especially if Newt is right and Obama springboards ahead in Iowa), but if Hillary takes this nomination, I honestly think it will say more about her ability to make her celebrity and "inevitability" the only topic in media discussion of this primary race than it will about her ability to be a good president. The two may be more closely linked in this day and age, but while I think Hillary is a fantastically capable woman, her ability to spin the press doesn't necessarily speak well of her judgment.
  
  
• This worries me: if Huckabee gets the nomination, I see him becoming a significant candidate, and possibly even a dangerous one in an election year that has consistently been promised as an avalanche of Democratic victories. In a nutshell, he's an evangelical fundamentalist Christian (an ordained one at that) who is thoroughly personable and charming, and loves to talk blue collar issues. His organization thus far hasn't been as good as it should be, but if he gets the nomination, he'll have the entire Republican organization at his disposal. Romney, Giuliani, Thompson and McCain are all cannon fodder: Huck is the one to worry about.
  
  
• Thankfully, Mitt Romney has secured the endorsement that, without a doubt, will secure his place as the Republican front-runner: The Osmonds.
  
  
• George Bush never really got the full scope of that "Commander in Chief" thing, though I do respect his intentions.
  
  
• My contempt for Joe Lieberman knows no bounds.
  
  
• I'm as happy as anyone that Barry Bonds is getting indicted, but doesn't it seem like the federal bodies that conduct investigations have had more important things to look into over the last four years?
  
  
• An interesting note about the nature of crime. Remind me to mention this to my grandmother, who's terrified because I live in the big scary city.

More updates as I can get caught up. November's been a crazy month.

In brief:

1) Prostitution reaches a new low: a woman agrees to perform sexual favors in order to receive money that she has to pay back, with interest.

2) Rudy Giuliani wants to be simultaneously at war with Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Russia, and China. Which is really dumb, because as anyone who has seen The Princess Bride knows, you should never get involved in a land war in Asia, and ESPECIALLY NOT FIVE OF THEM AT THE SAME DAMN TIME.

• On Monday, Ron Paul raised 4.2 MILLION DOLLARS, all online, in the span of a day. And yet yesterday, not the Washington Post, not the New York Times, nor CNN's websites had even the slightest mention of it on their front pages.
  
  
• Bob Geiger at HuffPo makes a case at great length for voting for Chris Dodd. In a nutshell, it's because Chris Dodd is busy making a case for voting for Chris Dodd by doing things in the Senate. Unfortunately, Barack Obama is not doing the same.
  

• 80's nostalgia/kitsch is bad for the economy.
  
  
• Cheney admits to being a dark lord of the Sith.
  
  
• [Redacted by executive order].
  
  
• I know I shouldn't listen to anything Hannity says, but come on. Claiming that Halloween is a liberal corruption of our children because they're learning to ask for handouts? HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SHAME? (Apparently, the answer is no.)
  
  
• Newt Gingrich is talking to leading Congressional Democrats, because Republicans won't listen to him. In other news, "down" has now been reclassified as "up."
  
  
• I'll stand by Chicago as the best city in the country for now, but if New York goes through with a plan for pigeon contraception, I might start waffling. I haaaate pigeons.
  
  
• It pays to keep some humor blogs on your feed-reader, even if you use your feed reader for research for a news-related blog. First, it keeps you from murdering yourself. Second, it occasionally feeds you pertinent bits of wisdom: