I've got good news and I've got bad news

The good news is that the Chicago Cubs have clinched the NL central division title.

The bad news is that Newt Gingrich, who has far more entertaining soundbites than anyone else in politics, will not be running for president.

• Barack Obama is taking a page from Chris Dodd's handbook, because he's willing to bet that not many people have read Chris Dodd's handbook. From an email with the subject title "Hey:"

  I'm just now leaving New York, and you've got me fired up. Nearly 25,000 people came together last night for the rally.

  Here's the video:

  We're still shy of our goal of 350,000 people giving to the campaign by Sunday's deadline.

  Make a donation now and get us there:

  https://donate.barackobama.com/match

  More soon.

  Barack

• Clinton's new campaign strategy: hire a mentally ill VP candidate and lose 49 states to a criminal.
  
  
• I mentioned in my last post that Fred Thompson doesn't know what he's talking about. Ample evidence.
  
  
• Pakistani muffins, hot dog buns to go unadorned.
  
  
• Comedy Central to Republicans: "Democrats have done virtually nothing to help African-Americans for the last 40 years, but they still get 93 percent of the black vote. My question to you is, what does that say about your party?"

If it's Friday, it must be a slow news day

• This really is just an awful design for a U.S. Naval base.

• While I disagree with Pollster's assessment that crack cocaine can be snorted, I do agree with their assessment that the presidential field is still pretty wide open, based on massive amounts of voter uncertainty: people have preferences, but haven't committed to a candidate yet. While the numbers seem to contradict me, I suspect that when it actually comes down to casting votes, Hillary's numbers are going to take a big tumble. The Clinton years may represent the glory days of economic prosperity and military conflicts often too small to even make the evening news, but we also remember the ruthless power and PR battles between the Clintons and the GOP. My personal feeling is that a lot of voters will want someone with a cleaner slate, because the GOP is going to be as obstinate, belligerent and obstructionist as possible with a President Hillary and we all know it. The GOP, on the other hand, has to choose between someone whose mayoral policy included brutalizing his constituents (Giuliani), someone who doesn't go to church and doesn't really know what he's talking about (Thompson), someone they know now they should have voted for eight years ago but now he's just as crazy as Bush (McCain), and someone whose faith may or may not be some sort of weird cult which requires him to wear magic underwear (Romney).
  
  
• Rush Limbaugh: Any soldier who opposes the war is a "phony soldier."
  
  
• Edwards vows to chase a bottle of percocet with a fifth of Dmitri vodka and then slit his wrists "down the road, not across the street" on the campaign trail next spring.
  
  
• If Fred Thompson is running as Newt Gingrich, who is Newt Gingrich going to run as?
  
  
• Troops: George W. Bush doesn't support us.
  
  
• We can play madlibs with the names, then let's just put out the ballot, because this is most of what we're going to hear for the next 13 months.
  
  
• Why pay for one of those fancy dating services when you can just pick up some liberal with loose morals at an Obama rally?
  
  
• Bill Richardson, March 3, 2007: "I'm not running as a Latino candidate." Bill Richardson campaign email for end of 3rd quarter fundraising; September 28, 2007:
  

Note to self

• Reminder: you're not supposed to trust people in power. Seriously, that's not how the Constitution was designed. In his own backasswards way, Richard Nixon was a patriot.* Exhibit A: A 63-year-old woman with a police boot on her head as DEA officials raid her house for six pounds of marijuana that she didn't have. Exhibit B: Police coming to some poor (sober) teenage girl's house at 4 a.m., without a warrant, to give her a breathalyzer because she had left a party where there was alcohol being served, and left her purse there.
  
  
• Reminder: every Democratic politician in Illinois must pay his respects to The Machine, even our most favored son, our golden child, Barack Obama.
  
  
• Reminder: Do-Not-Call List expires on Sunday. Byron Dorgan is trying to prevent it.
  
  
• Reminder: The Constitution does still sometimes apply to American citizens.
  
  
• Reminder: campaign emails get funnier by the hour. Ron Paul: "Whenever I face a hit piece on tv, or a smear in a newspaper column, I remember my secret weapon: you." Never forget that Ron Paul heads up an elite unit of paramilitary robots intent on liberating the world from the shackles of the United States Department of Education. He writes them love-letters, asking them for money.
  
  
• Reminder: For all the collective frustration among the base that we're still in Iraq, and for all of the strategic bungling of laying the responsibility where it belongs, there are good reasons why the Democrats have been unwilling or unable to withdraw troops.

*Kidding!

Novak: Rubella Makes Americans Stronger

What the hell is wrong with Bob Novak? Excerpts:

"Democratic Congress quickly passed a national health insurance bill, drafted in secret and protected from amendment, that constitutes the most important legislation of this session."

Yes, drafted in secret . . . with the details pasted all over the Washington Post, New York Times, and every other news outlet that covers politics.

" This business as usual on Capitol Hill is worth noting because an extension of SCHIP would cover many more than the poor children originally intended to be helped."

It's not business as usual on Capitol Hill, because an ambitious piece of legislation is getting broad bipartisan support. And yes, it would cover many more than the original bill covered. That's the damn point.

"Only Congress could conceive making families simultaneously eligible for SCHIP to help the poor and the alternative minimum tax to punish the rich."

Yes, Bob hates those dastardly villains in Congress could come up with something as evil as helping the poor and taxing the rich. Do they think rich people are just made of money? The upper classes are just so persecuted. Forget the pimps: it's hard out here for a millionaire.

"States also could extend the aid to childless adults. Indeed, "children" would include anyone younger than 21."

Ugh! The audacity of those Democrats, trying to insure people who are too old to be on their parents' employers insurance but too young to land a good enough job to get their own insurance!

"Bush's inevitable veto will face a certain override in the Senate, where supposedly conservative Republican graybeards have defected. Orrin Hatch is in another partnership with his friend, Ted Kennedy. Chuck Grassley, the ranking GOP member on the Finance Committee, again has drifted leftward."

What's the GOP to do about Orrin Hatch and Chuck Grassley? They should just leave the Republicans and join the Communist party! Seriously!

"Nevertheless, Democrats will eagerly pummel Republicans for "voting against kids" by refusing" to sanction a long step toward Hillarycare.

In conclusion, Bob Novak thinks Hillary Clinton is the devil, and if you vote for her, your children deserve to die of scurvy.

Word from the inbox

More fun with campaign emails:

Hey,

I only have a few seconds on my way back to Washington from last night's debate.

The fundraising quarter is wrapping up and we're just short of hitting our goal. Will you chip in $23 and put us over the top? You can contribute here:

http://www.chrisdodd.com/deadline

I'll be in touch soon.

Chris

1) His salutation is "hey" and his full name only appears in the URL. Apparently Chris Dodd is on a first name basis with everyone on his mailing list now. Neat.

2) $23? What the hell? I've suspected that candidates' requests for specific amounts were just pulled out of their asses, but now I'm sure of it.

3) This is actually the best fundraising email I've gotten. It's not needy, it sounds as if it were written by a real person because it obviously wasn't parsed or measured, and it's succinct, because whoever did write it obviously has a lot to do and there's no reason a "please give me money" email should be a whole page long (like most of the candidates' emails).

No future indeed.

• For all of you masochists out there who enjoyed watching Alberto Gonzalez' selective amnesia, his frequent and preposterous claims of executive privelege, and his good ol' fashioned bullshit, don't worry. You might not have Fredo to kick around anymore, but you've still got Condi.
  
  
• Immigrants don't just do the jobs that Americans don't want, they create them.
  
  
• Chris Dodd: Like Elizabeth Edwards, but without the cancer or the pretty-boy husband, or the being a woman.
  
  
• Waste of Oxygen update: Even Bill Richardson can beat Fred Thompson.
  
  
• Internet poll finds that 20% of Americans cut back on sex to spend more time on the internet. Even though this is an internet poll and thus probably inflating the number, the fact that anyone is skipping sex for crap like this demonstrates how thoroughly screwed up the mentality is in this country.
  
  
• Childrens do learn, but presdints don't.
  
  
• The Sex Pistols were all about rebellion and anarchy, man. Fuck those business assholes in their fancy suits with their soap and their money. NO FUTURE!
  
  
• Apparently, Phil Spector walking out of a house drenched in blood with a gun in his hand and saying "I think I just killed somebody" doesn't put his guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, so he ended up with a hung jury. Cheer up, OJ! Things haven't changed!
  
  
• It's nice that Joe Biden can make the Senate recommend things to the president, even if it can't seem to force him to do anything.
  

Ripped from Today's Headlines

This morning, The Swamp re-posted a fundraising email from the President, on behalf of the RNC. Emails like this should come with popcorn, a 32 oz. Pepsi, and a box of Sour Patch Kids. On behalf of the president, I'll augment this with some hyperlinks to demonstrate his success.

"Dear....

During my six and a half years in office, you and I have worked together to advance the Republican Party's principles to keep America safe, strengthen our economy, protect our values and extend the American Dream to every person who's fortunate to be a citizen of our great country.

In just over 13 months, Americans go to the polls to elect the next President. We have an important mission: to keep the White House in 2008, and retake the U.S. House and Senate. It is critical we do so and your help is needed today to ensure a GOP victory.

Next year, Chairman Mike Duncan and the Republican National Committee (RNC) will have the job of organizing our Party's national grassroots campaign effort.

Mike and I both are counting on your support to help lead the Republican Party to sweeping victories in the 2008 elections.

We know it is grassroots activists like you who put up the yard signs, knock on the doors, make the phone calls and do what's necessary to win and elect a Republican president and Congress.

And it is people like you who give generously to ensure our candidates have the resources needed to run effective campaigns and win. That is why I hope you will make a special online gift of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to keep the RNC's 2008 election programs moving forward.

Winning the 2008 elections will be the toughest test our Party has faced since we won the White House and added to our numbers in both houses of Congress in 2004.

To accomplish our mission, Republicans must make clear how we will meet the challenges of defending America and extending our prosperity.

Republicans have a solid record when it comes to protecting the United States of America.

After the enemy attacked us, I vowed I would rally this nation and use our resources to protect you. And that is exactly what we have done. We have reformed our intelligence services to make sure we can find the enemy before they strike. We have fought to deny them safe haven in Afghanistan and Iraq so they cannot plan and plot again.

The fight for freedom in Iraq is the fight for the security of the United States of America and we must prevail. If we leave before the job is done, the enemy that attacked us would be emboldened. I believe if our candidates take the message of doing what is necessary to protect the American people, we will win in 2008.

Republicans also have a solid record when it comes to growing this economy.

Republicans cut taxes for everybody who pays taxes. We understand that if you have more money in your pocket to save, spend, or invest, the economy will grow.

If you look carefully at the budget the Democrats proposed, they want to return to the days of tax and spend. They will raise your taxes and figure out new ways to spend your money.

If our candidates remind the American voter that tax cuts have worked, that the economy is strong as a result of the tax cuts, and instead of raising taxes, we ought to make the tax cuts permanent, we will retake the U.S. House and Senate and hold the White House in 2008.

You can win most elections based upon strong national defense and good economic policy. But the RNC needs Sustaining Members to get this message out and support our Republican candidates.

Please support our cause today by making a special online contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to the RNC to help elect Republicans at all levels in 2008.

Republicans believe in doing what's right for America. We believe that the best days lie ahead for our country. And I believe that we're going to succeed in 2008 with your support.

Sincerely,

George W. Bush''

• Bush: "The S-CHIP program is going to fail, but not because I'm going to veto it, but because the Democrats are giving me a bill that I want to veto. So you see, I'm really powerless here, and none of this is my fault. Children are going to get sick and potentially die because the Democrats want to insure them, not because I don't want to insure them."
  
  
• I love finding out that Americans are selling guns on the black market in Iraq which are then used to kill Americans.
  

• Breaking News! Mitt Romney is going to "make sure that our future is defined not by the letters ACLU, but by the letters USA." Seriously, he ACTUALLY SAID THAT.
  
  
• The Clinton campaign is going to pick three donors at random (you submit your name on their website) to watch one of the Democratic debates with Bill Clinton and eat chips. Yes, the chips are part of the pitch. It was emailed out this morning.
  
  
• You know where MoveOn.org got that "Betray-us" thing? From a caller on Rush Limbaugh's show referring to Chuck Hagel.
  
  
• "So we're left with a situation in which Iraqis feel compelled to grudgingly accept Blackwater's presence, despite instances in which the company may have killed unarmed civilians without provocation. The alternative, they say, would be less stability."
  
  
• Question: Can anti-war sentiment be accurately measured by how often Elvis Costello's "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding" gets played on the radio and in retail outlet canned music programs? Because I'm hearing it a lot.
  
  
• Cheating on your wife with a long string of prostitutes is one thing, but I draw the line at supporting creationists.
  
  
• Instead of shouting them down and refusing to let your enemies talk, let them speak their peace. Then you and anyone else listening will have full understanding of how preposterous they are.
  
  
• Maliki: The war is over so all the Americans can go home now.
  
  
• The real reason that U.S./Iran relations are so bad: Laura Bush is flirting with Ahmadinejad.

Where, oh where, has my little nuke gone? Oh where, oh where can it be?

The Washington Post ran a rather lengthy article two days ago which ran under the headline
"Missteps in the Bunker" in an attempt to demystify the US Air Force's apparent misplacement of a few nuclear warheads. Written by Joby Warnick and Walter Pinkus, the gist of the piece is that the Bermuda Triangle descended upon Minot Air Force Base for 36 hours, and that after the jet stream finally managed to send the Triangle back into Condi Rice's brainhousing, well, some nukes just happened to be missing.

Warnick and Pinkus give the Department of Defense every avenue available to explain away the incident. Most of them go down more cloyingly than a double-shot of Vicks 44.

A brief selection of the excuses:

The Air Force was utilizing its reptilian brain and/or muscle memory when handling the destructive power of ten SIXTY Hiroshimas.

"We had a continuous workload in maintaining" warheads, said Scott Vest, a former Air Force captain who spent time in Minot's bunkers in the 1990s. "We had a stockpile of more than 400 . . . and some of them were always coming due" for service.

...

Last fall, after 17 years in the U.S. arsenal, the Air Force's more than 400 AGM-129s were ordered into retirement by then-Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld. Minot was told to begin shipping out the unarmed missiles in small groups to Barksdale Air Force Base near Shreveport, La., for storage. By Aug. 29, its crews had already sent more than 200 missiles to Barksdale and knew the drill by heart.

Thanks to my years in the Marines I know how to handle the M16 family of assault rifles "by heart." I can disassemble and assemble it blindfolded, and I can modulate the fire selector switch from Safe to Fire to Burst without needing to think about it. I always know what weapons condition my rifle - or my M240G machine gun, for that matter - is in because I've seen what can happen when a firearm is mishandled. I assume my weapon is loaded if I haven't handled it in the last two minutes. If I'm that goddamn careful with something comparatively minor to a nuke, than the claim that the Air Force simply "knew the drill by heart" is completely bogus.

The "if it doesn't smell it's clean" excuse:

Just after 9 a.m. on Aug. 29, a group of U.S. airmen entered a sod-covered bunker on North Dakota's Minot Air Force Base with orders to collect a set of unarmed cruise missiles bound for a weapons graveyard. They quickly pulled out a dozen cylinders, all of which appeared identical from a cursory glance, and hauled them along Bomber Boulevard to a waiting B-52 bomber.

...

A simple error in a missile storage room led to missteps at every turn, as ground crews failed to notice the warheads, and as security teams and flight crew members failed to provide adequate oversight and check the cargo thoroughly. An elaborate nuclear safeguard system, nurtured during the Cold War and infused with rigorous accounting and command procedures, was utterly debased, the investigation’s early results show.

Larry Johnson over at TPMCafe savages this oversimplification of the weapons check-out process.

Sorry boys and girls, but that is nonsense. You do not walk into an ammo/weapons bunker and sort thru a bunch a cruise missiles like a college freshman searching their laundry basket in the dark for a pair of matching socks.

Johnson's right. I was on pretty good terms with my unit's Ammo Chief, SSgt Williams. When we were scheduled to go out on a field op SSgt Williams and his ammo crew would spend a total of a week of time before and after the op securing and disposing of ordnance. We were merely shooting 155mm high explosive and white phosphorus artillery rounds, and I can guarantee SSgt Williams had a couple hundred hoops to jump through every step of the way. I can't be 100% sure how the Air Force does it, but I can testify that the US Marine Corps just doesn't let people haul around (even comparatively tiny) bombs without anyone under a full-bird Colonel in the know.

So, if it's evident that this wasn't just some rookie mistake on the Air Force's part - I mean, hey, they've been handling nukes for over 60 years now, so presumably they're seasoned vets - then what kind of explanation can we find for this "mistake"?

Well, it seems like one of the most logical explanations is that this wasn't a mistake, not by far. Johnson asks the question we all should be asking:

Why are such weapons being taken to Barksdale, Louisiana, which is the jump off base for Middle East ops?

Maybe we should ask France's Foreign Minister, Bernard Kouchner.

France's foreign minister warned Sunday that the world should prepare for war if Iran obtains nuclear weapons and said European leaders were considering their own economic sanctions against the Islamic country.

...

"We will not accept that such a bomb is made. We must prepare ourselves for the worst," he [Kouchner] said, specifying that could mean a war. He did not elaborate on what kind of preparations that would entail.

France is saying we might have to go to war in the Middle East to stop a country from securing the capability to produce WMDs? Kouchner probably means that oil-rich backwater controlled by the guy with the Tom Selleck mustache and not the one ran by a bunch of wack-job religious zealots and fronted by a guy who says the Holocaust was produced on the same sound stage as the Moon Landing, right?

Maybe we should as America's Mayor Himmler for an explanation.

"I believe the United States and our allies should deliver a very clear message to Iran, very clear, very sober, very serious: They will not be allowed to become a nuclear power. It's just not going to happen.

If they get to the point that they're going to become a nuclear power, then we will set them back five or 10 years.

That is not a threat, that is a promise."

The good news is that Giuliani isn't in power yet. The bad news is that he might as well be. Johnson concludes his piece with the text of an email from a friend and former B-52 pilot:

Obviously there are two possibilities: 1. this was an error and the events that occurred were a tragic mistake of far reaching proportions; and 2. the nuclear weapons were moved on purpose.

...

Then if the movement wasn’t a mistake, it obviously was done with some sort of purpose in mind.

The destination of the aircraft was Barksdale AFB, LA from which a number of the strikes on the Middle East have initiated. Speculation would lead us to believe the weapons were being stockpiled at this facility for a possible strike somewhere in the world. Additional speculation would also lead us to believe the strike was to occur in the very near future. Why else the need to forego the normal overland transportation procedures for nuclear weapons and risk flying them to their destination in violation of a treaty with the Russians. Also how is it the press was aware of this movement? After all who would be suspicious of a B-52 taking off from a B-52 base and a B-52 landing at a B-52 base. This event goes on many times each day for practice missions and training. Some one had to have leaked the information to the press that the U.S. was moving nuclear weapons by air in a treaty violation.

Hoo boy.

• Crooked and incompetent politicians sure are dedicated to their families.
• "Thou shalt not nose around in your daughter's uterus." -- U.S. Constitution
• In a desperate grasp for electoral votes, the GOP is pushing a referendum in California which would break down electoral votes by Congressional district, replacing the current winner-take-all system. Personally, I'd be fine seeing this happen in all 50 states. It's more representative, and it would prevent the "campaign only in the swing states" methodology which guarantees that after the primaries, no presidential candidate will set foot in Illinois or New York or Idaho or Texas.
  
• Ron Paul is such an old man. Also, a self-proclaimed revolutionary. From this weekend's fundraising email:
  
• "The end is nigh. Of the third quarter of 2007, that is! And I need your help to make sure that our campaign gets a big boost."
• "As our opponents begin to falter, and the undecideds grow in strength, this is our time. When people learn about our ideas and our work for them, they join the Revolution. So my job is to make sure they learn!"
• "But I can't do this job alone. I need you. Please, reach out your hand and clasp mine."
• A 13-year-old said to me the other day, "Dr. Paul, you are the hope of my future." No, I told her, but this Revolution is. Will she grow up in a poorer, more socialist, more militarist, more oppressive country? Or the free country you and I love?
• The Department of Homeland Security is spending your tax dollars keeping track of which Americans have read The DaVinci Code and a variety of Dean Koontz novels.
• Just a reminder: spending tax dollars on embryonic stem cell research is wrong because it kills potential babies, even though it could potentially save millions of lives down the road. However, spending money to keep babies from dying of preventable diseases is also wrong, because we need to spend lots of money killing babies in Iraq.
• Yep. The surge is working just fiiiine.
• How to identify an insurgent:
• Place a weapon or component of a potential weapon (plastic explosives, etc.) in a public area.
• Watch the weapon or potential weapon very closely.
• Shoot anyone who picks it up.
• Weep for the future.
• On Clinton as the front-runner: "Only Gore in '99 and Mondale in '83 were in this strong of a position in the last five contested Democratic contests." I could just cry.
• Just as a reminder: FRED THOMPSON'S CAMPAIGN IS A WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY, AND OXYGEN.
• Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is pretty much a dick.
  
• Chertoff: "The American people have been loud and clear about their desire to see our nation’s immigration laws enforced." And of course, by "enforced," he means "dramatically overhauled because this nation's immigration laws are ineffective and pointless."
  

In conclusion, I really wish more high-ranking, high-profile government officials would keep blogs.

Take a closer look...

We don't usually post pictures around here (at least not that I've noticed), but this particular one was too - something - to pass up.

I direct your attention to the picture below. It's the photo accompanying this post from The Swamp, and you should be able to see the disconnect in this version. It takes a little looking, so if you do need a larger photo, here it is.

Photo by Mark Silva, courtesy of The Swamp

What's notable here are two things:

One, Cheney's USAF plane is named after a paleo-conservative former Senator who probably would have whipped Dick Cheney across the backside with his cane several times if he still were alive.

Second, is "The Spirit of Strom Thurmond" really an appropriate name for an aircraft? Do we have a "Spirit of Jefferson Davis" in somewhere in the USAF? If so, I bet it was that B-52 Stratofortress with all the nukes that "accidentally" flew over the continental US.

• The DSCC needs someone that isn't Carville to write their fundraising emails. " I never thought I'd say this, but George Bush's rubber stamp is running out of ink." Optimism, stupid! This was inevitable. Act like your party has been worth a damn for the last seven years.

• Why do you avoid getting in confrontations with pro-Bush counter-protesters when protesting the Iraq war? Because these are people who believe, as a matter of political principle, that hundreds of thousands deserved to die angry, miserable, violent deaths in a barren wasteland. They will fuck you up. (Note: scary!)

• Someone please please please please give Newt Gingrich $30 million. I cannot even express how desperately I want to see him and Alan Keyes try to out-crazy each other on the campaign trail. Can you imagine the debates? Come on, people! Let's buckle down and get this jackass into the race!

• Barack Obama gets increasing support from former CTA chair Valerie Jarrett. What can you expect from their new strategy? Massive funding deficits, infrequent service, his website will constantly be under construction, and he'll start whining a lot about how all of his old friends at the state legislature aren't giving him enough money.

• Now, since I'm such a staunch Democrat, I'm supposed to get behind my party leadership and talk about how awesome they are, right? Wrong. The party gets better when we bitch about jackasses in our party getting ahead on the basis of seniority (and having not left their girlfriend to drown at the bottom of a lake). Like that twerp Harry Reid: the more that gets said about him needing to go, the better.

• Yesterday, TPM brought us this funny little tidbit:

  "While Rudy Giuliani speaks to the NRA convention tomorrow, a federal appeals court will be hearing arguments in a lawsuit Giuliani filed against gun manufacturers when he was still NYC mayor."

  Obviously, he's going to dig his way out of that one, right? So how does he do it? By stopping in the middle of his speech to the NRA to TAKE A PHONE CALL FROM HIS WIFE. Dumbass. The NRA doesn't care about your family values, they care about shooting your family. With guns. While hunting or something. I don't really know how it works. Ask Dick Cheney.

• This is why I'd rather have Joe Biden in the Senate. He's a smart guy, he really is. And he should use those smarts in the Senate, where his foot-in-mouth disorder is less noticeable.

• Giuliani: the First Amendment only protects your ability to say things I agree with.

Ayman al-Zawahri: "Welcome to the Terrordome"

• After next year, the only Republican left in Congress will be Admiral Robert Byrd.

• Michael Chertoff explains that we must welcome Iraqi refugees with open arms. They are superior to Mexicans, who we absolutely must not welcome.

• Someday, men will think with their balls and it will be declared a medical triumph.

• Did Nick Gillespie seriously just refer to Ayman al-Zawahri as the Professor Griff of al-Qaeda? I look forward to bin Laden kicking him out of the group for making anti-semitic remarks.

• Another inappropriate analogy: Dick Cheney isn't like Darth Vader, because Anakin Skywalker actually agreed to fight in the Clone Wars, while Cheney had "other priorities."

• Also, Dick Cheney thought Mandela should have remained locked up, back in 1986, and still stands by his vote. Darth Vader, obviously, donned a black exoskeleton as a gesture of solidarity with the anti-Apartheid movement.
  

• James "Waste of Oxygen" Dobson doesn't like Fred "Waste of Oxygen" Thompson.

• I mentioned this briefly yesterday, but with an increasingly competitive Democratic presidential race, the nomination may come down to delegates more than states won. This means that 2008 is really the ideal time to vote your conscience, even if it seems idealistic or impractical. Try to give your preferred candidate some delegates, so that when the convention rolls around at the actual nomination happens, they can barter policy for delegates. If Hillary needs delegates to get ahead over Obama, she can turn to Richardson or Edwards or Dodd or whomever, all of whom will want policy concessions in order to pledge the support of their delegates. This is how a coherent party platform gets built: a single unifying leader is important, but it's a leader that has had to adopt the wisdom of his or her competitors to win.
  

• John McCain's campaign just sent around an email saying that they're "not going anywhere but up." Perhaps that's because they're floating right around rock bottom right now.

• Giuliani: oops!

• The Senate has voted overwhelmingly to collectively disapprove of MoveOn.org's "General Betray Us" ad. However, they refused to disapprove of political attacks on soldiers in general, such as the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth calumny in 2004, and the ads that cast Vietnam veteran and triple amputee (now ex-) Senator Max Cleland as a terrorist.

• I can't wait to hear the Andrew W.K./Lee "Scratch" Perry album.
  

• Fifty points to anyone who can tell me what's wrong with this ad:

If the Constitution falls in the forest and there's no on there to hear it . . .

• As I mentioned yesterday, Bush named a new acting Attorney General so repugnant that he hopes Democrats will back down on their demands for DoJ emails relating to Alberto Gonzalez' numerous debacles before agreeing to confirm Mukasey. Apparently, it is working. I don't know if it's Bush, but someone at the White House knows how to play the game pretty well.

• Some people suggest that health insurance for all will not improve public health, but instead suggest that a federal "No, biscuits and gravy are NOT part of a nutritious breakfast, now put out that cigarette and get your ass to the gym, fatty" program would yield better results.

• HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SLEEP AT NIGHT? HAVE THEY EVEN READ THE CONSTITUTION? WHAT THE HELL? Just when I think I can't have less respect for Joe Lieberman, he goes and pull something like this.

• In other news, not only does Congress hate your rights, they're not big fans of your troops either.

• What do you do when your two most prominent branches of government are averaging a 20% approval rating? If you look at the news items I've mentioned today, and those numbers, and detach yourself from your preconceived notions about America, it would appear as if we live in a fascist military oligarchy. It's a good thing I have all of those preconceived notions to keep me optimistic.

• When I was reading this, it occurred to me: Rudy Giuliani is like Dick Cheney, but without the demented genius. He's just demented.

• Next year, the party conventions may actually be relevant.

• John Bolton can't figure out why we haven't toppled the Iranian government and secretly set up a puppet regime in its place. It worked great the first time, why shouldn't it again?

Janet Reno lays siege to Bloodshot Records

My associate, Mike, just said the most punk rock thing anyone has ever said to me:

I've never had a bad time in Wisconsin, even when I was on vacation and got hit by a car. I spent the rest of the trip skateboarding off the end of the pier into the lake.

Music News!

• Barry Manilow's "Mandy:" more effective than fines, community service, probation or jail time.

• Wu-Tang is pissing off assholes with yachts. All is right with the world.

• The Starbucks in the lobby of my building is playing "Get Up, Stand Up" right now.

• Move over, Shatner! Janet Reno is releasing a 3 disc "Song of America" compilation album. It features respectable artists such as Andrew Bird and Bettye LaVette, as well as crazy hippies like Devendra Banhart and numerous irrelevant MOR performers like John Mellencamp and Janis Ian. Unfortunately, Reno herself does not sing, which means that I will not be purchasing this compilation. (Note: The Waco Brothers are not on this compilation. Coincidence?)
  

Actual News!

• THIS IS WORTH READING: Bush is offering up a nominee for Attorney General who appears to be heading for an uneventful confirmation. However, the party in the majority, i.e. Democrats, have publicly stated that the confirmation hearings won't even start until the White House provides documents related to the numerous crimes of the last Attorney General. So in the meantime, the White House is replacing non-controversial interim Attorney General Paul Clement with Peter Keisler, whose appointment to a Federal appellate bench has been blocked by Democrats. Keisler is known for, among other things, shaping policy at Guantanamo Bay and for weakening the government's racketeering case against major tobacco companies.

• Another interesting AG footnote from TPM:

  Mukasey's background is in public corruption. And apparently he's a bit of a stickler about these things, from, say, the Pat Fitzgerald school (or maybe it's vice versa). In any case, that may not be great news for Sen. Stevens and various members of the House who are hanging by a thread.

• Barack Obama discovers the absolute BEST INSULT you can throw at a rival during a primary battle: "I commend Senator Clinton for her health care proposal," said Obama (Ill.). "It's similar to the one I put forth last spring."

• I love Barack Obama to death, but he managed to fill a sentence with every political buzz word he could think of without having a single ounce of meaning in it:

  "But the real key to passing any health-care reform is the ability to bring people together in an open, transparent process that builds a broad consensus for change."

• Tasteless.

• Chris Dodd takes a bold liberal stance and declares Habeas Corpus a good thing.

• What the hell? Crazy person sues God. And he holds public office.
  

• Dick Cheney only respects soldiers that he personally gets to send to their doom.

• Dear Bill Richardson: I think you're really awesome and capable and smart. Stop proving me wrong. Love, Tim. P.S. -- I'm sorry, but you're just not a very good poster child for battling obesity.

• My favorite Republican, Arlen Specter, is pissing me off. I've said it before and I'll say it again: no matter what you teach kids, and no matter how ruthlessly you control them, they're going to find a way to have sex, so you need to focus on teach them how to do it responsibly. Sex isn't something wayward kids with bad supervision just fall into: lust is a genetic mandate. Dammit people, work the problem!

• Harry Reid caves again . . . but this time to his support base. It's about damn time.

• Remember, kids, devo is an adjective and not just a band name. It's short for "de-evolution" and it's alive and well and asking questions to GOP presidential candidates that aren't there to hear them.

In conclusion, the Reason blog just referred to notorious homophobe Alan Keyes as "the Bruce Vilanch of presidential politics." In other news, I'm going to spend the rest of the evening scrubbing my exploded brains off the wall behind me.

Beware the Tancredo/McCain political juggernaut!

• Just in case you wanted to know, Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff has his own blog now. There are three entries up thus far: two about how we need to adapt our thinking to a post-9/11 world (this is now 2007, mind you) and one outlining the comment policy.
• McCain wants to defend America and the values enshrined in our Constitution by having all the members of MoveOn.org deported. Suspected political calculus: sensing his own imminent political demise, McCain is jumping on the bandwagon of one of the GOP's fastest rising stars, someone he hopes will pick him for the VP spot next summer: Tom Tancredo.
  
• Alan Keyes is running for President. Somebody cue up the laugh track.
• An interesting point: cloture rules have turned filibusters into the norm and thus raised the bar for bill passage from 50 to 60 votes in the Senate. I'm not really excited about this development.
• Obama and Dodd are now on the bandwagon: no funding for the war in Iraq without a timeline for withdrawal.
• Mukasey for Attorney General: If Chuck Schumer is offering an endorsement (however cautious), the nomination proceedings should only get easier.
• Alan Greenspan once said something to the effect of, "if you understand what I'm talking about, I'm not doing my job right." Everything he said seemed to lead to dramatic shifts in the market, so he stopped speaking in language people could really get their heads around. Thankfully, his job is no longer keeping the market stable and successful, but just to do his own thing now. And since he can now speak freely and clearly, he's getting a lot of press for telling everyone that George W. Bush is a dumbass.
• Dick Cheney treats everything he does like it's incriminating, so he doesn't write any memos. If you see him wearing latex gloves, don't be surprised.
• George W. Bush wants your children to die of preventable diseases:
  

  Senate and House negotiators said Sunday that they had agreed on a framework for a compromise bill that would provide health insurance to four million uninsured children while relaxing some of the limits on eligibility imposed by the Bush administration.

  The compromise, which resembles a bill passed by the Senate with bipartisan support, sets the stage for a battle with President Bush, who has denounced similar legislation as a step “down the path to government-run health care for every American.” -- NYT

Let the Train Blow the Whistle When I Go - A Farewell to Chuck Hagel

In years past the term "maverick" was ascribed to Sen. John McCain of Arizona for his willingness to break ranks with fellow Republicans, cross the aisle, and vote with the opposition on issues such as gun control and financial/taxation legislation. Though McCain has a historically strong conservative voting record (82.3% lifetime rating from the American Conservative Union), once he supported the neo-conservative establishment on the Iraq War McCain's "Straight Talk Express" catastrophically derailed, taking its "maverick" engineer along with it into the ditch.

Nebraska's connection to railroads is nearly as old as the Republican Party itself. Rooted in the Pacific Railroad Act of 1862 and the founding of the Union Pacific Railroad that same year in Omaha, the original American transcontinental railroad shoots westward from here on UP rails to Sacramento, CA. The railroads, formerly a mighty engine of the American economy, have been toiling through hard times for a half-century. Many of most-storied railroads have passed on into legend or survive in-name-only today, merged with other lines over the last fifty years, stripped down to the barest essentials in order to stay solvent. With each passing day it appears that the Grand Old Party, hijacked by dangerous fanatics with an agenda anathema to Party history, is riding these same rails toward political insolvency and, perhaps, extinction. How fitting, then, that one of the last bastions of sane, traditional conservative thought is Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel, a man of conviction and true maverick. As a highly-respected Republican, Hagel is the harshest Senate critic of the demented neo-conservatives at the controls of the speeding-toward-oblivion GOP Express.

Last week Senator Hagel made the announcement that he will not seek re-election at the end of his term, deciding to both retire from Congress and not pursue higher office. Many disgruntled voters, abandoned by the disturbing Statist shift within the Republican Party, have hoped Sen. Hagel would leave the addled elephant for an independent or third-party bid for the White House. While disappointment is a valid emotion to have following Sen. Hagel's decision, thankfulness is perhaps the more fitting way to feel. Chuck Hagel was elected to office in 1996, garnering 53% of the vote in a incredible upset of then-Governor Bob Nelson. It was during that campaign that Chuck Hagel stated that, if elected, he would limit himself to two terms:

I support Term Limits. However, I will not need Term Limits. Twelve years in Congress is enough for anyone. We should return to the Founding Fathers' concept of the "citizen-legislator," and Term-Limits (sic) would help preserve that ideal. When elected officials stay too long in the same job, they become institutionalized and co-opted by the system.

One reads such words and thinks immediately of permanently immobilized legislative fossils such as Trent Lott, Edward Kennedy, Ted Stevens, Harry Reid, and Robert Byrd, all so beholden to their parties and corrupted by their power that they have truly been "co-opted by the system." For Senator Hagel to step down at a time when his voice is perhaps the most ringing indictment of the folly of the present administration is most unusual in modern American politics. Instead of using his position as the sanest of Senate Republicans as a cudgel with which to bash the neo-con Kool-Aid-drinking lemmings on his side of the aisle, Senator Hagel has shown himself to be homo pollicens (a man of his word), a species nearly extinct within the Washington beltway.

Senator Hagel isn't running from a fight. Apart from former-POW John McCain, here might not be an American politician carrying greater scarring from armed conflict. Sergeant Hagel was gravely wounded twice in the Mekong Delta of Vietnam in early 1968. The first wound came from a patrol in March. One of the men in his squad tripped a booby-trap, sending shrapnel flying. Sgt. Hagel was stuck in the chest and thrown to the ground, where his brother Tom found him. Lifting Chuck's shirt, geysers of blood shot up, forcing Tom to patched up his brother's torn-up chest as best he could. Less than a month later Chuck would pull Tom, bleeding and unconscious, from the blazing wreckage of a convoy which had run over a landmine and was taking enemy fire. Chuck's face was incinerated in the incident, and the charred remains took over a decade to heal. Nearly forty years later, Senator Hagel's still carrying some shrapnel in his chest as a reminder of Vietnam, not that he needs it:

University of Nebraska journalism professor Charlyne Berens, who wrote the 2006 biography Chuck Hagel: Moving Forward, said Hagel recalled to her his evacuation after the second incident, his face broiled and his ear drums ruptured. He thought, “If I ever get out, and if I ever can influence anything, I will do all I can to prevent war.”

For his trouble he was awarded two Purple Hearts, the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry, Army Commendation Medal, and the Combat Infantryman Badge.

After Vietnam Chuck Hagel finished school while working as both a bartender and radio newscaster. He eventually became a staffer for Nebraska Congressman John Y. McCollister, one of the first Republicans to break with his party and call for Nixon's head. In 1980 Hagel worked for the Regan campaign as an organizer, and after the inauguration was named deputy administrator for the Veteran's Administration. It was during his tenure at the VA that Mr. Hagel would again see the bitter hypocrisy of Washington. Rick Weidman, Vietnam vet and the Vietnam Veterans of America's head of government affairs, remembers the ugly situation at the VA:

“I think the world of Chuck Hagel,” he said, recalling how Hagel quit his job as deputy administrator for the Veterans Administration in 1982. His boss, then-Veterans Administrator Robert Nimmo, had a history of antagonizing Vietnam vets, calling them “crybabies” and seeking to cut off research into the physical effects of Agent Orange exposure, wrote [Charlyne] Berens in Moving Forward.

Hagel quit and was unemployed at the age of 36; Nimmo soon resigned amid a threatening scandal over his use of the office for personal gain. To many, Hagel was a hero all over again.

“He resigned over principle, it was a wonderful scene,” Weidman said, noting that Hagel immediately became “our champion in the Senate” when he was elected in 1996.

How sad it is that a quarter of a century later Senator Hagel was again forced to deal daily with self-serving, bigoted, grandstanding hawks more than content to send poorly-equipped servicemen into harm's way, then treat them with disrespect and out-right neglect upon their return. No wonder Chuck Hagel is so pissed off. His entire party seems to have lost its mind binge-drinking on the Cheney/Rumsfeld/Wolfowitz moonshine, spending funds like drunken sailors, and insulting the whole of the American military by playing a gigantic, ill-conceived game of Risk in the Middle East and then treating that game's vets below piss-poor medical care.

This war is something that's been eating him for years now. He's not some Johnny-come-lately member of the Congressional followership posturing himself in a politically expedient manner against a unpopular, disastrously managed war. He's a man actually being skewered on a daily basis by his own party for his stances, as he has been for years.

An instinctive and unwavering conservative on most issues — in particular, big government and deficits — he was the antithesis of a neocon, a profile to which The Weekly Standard paid backhanded tribute in 2002 when it included him (along with Powell, Scowcroft and The New York Times) in what it called "the axis of appeasement." In the cruelest cut, in that brief period of easy, triumphalist anticipation before the invasion and its turbulent aftermath, National Review put Nebraska's senior senator down as Senator Hagel (R., France).

The problem for the New Republican Party is that Senator Hagel was right about Iraq all along, and he's not letting the neo-cons drunk at the wheel forget it. He was right before the invasion of Iraq in 2003 when he said "How many of us really know and understand Iraq, its country, history, people and role in the Arab world?. . .The American people must be told of the long-term commitment, risk and cost of this undertaking. We should not be seduced by the expectations of dancing in the streets." That the conservative Senator Hagel was right about Iraq is also what has made him a target for his fellow conservatives, not to mention the lunatic wing of the GOP controlled by fascist Rudy Giuliani and his brown-shirt acolytes. As The American Conservative observed:

There is a political web set to snare Hagel on the road to a Republican nomination, and it was no more evident than at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference in March.

Throbbing with the conservative movement’s old guard elite and college acolytes—who seem to spend most of their time waiting in line for autographs from Newt Gingrich or jamming into the ballroom to catch the likes of Ann Coulter flinging the customary red meat—this Washington confab had little time for Hagel. Questioned about a potential run, these self-proclaimed right wingers typically responded with a roll of the eyes and a shrug at best, at worst, a blank stare. That Republican is just not one of us, they said.

Yet here at ground zero of the conservative movement were innumerable depictions of the late President Ronald Reagan, tons of literature and rhetoric about the sanctity of life, traditional values, constitutional correctness, limited government, states’ rights, and self-determination. In his 11 years as a U.S. senator, Hagel has in some way defended them all, yet he is a pariah in what should be his political comfort zone.

...

Simply put, it is the 800-pound gorilla that no one at CPAC wanted to talk about this year—the war in Iraq—that has come between Hagel and the conservative grassroots. It is why they are willing to overlook Republican Rudy Giuliani’s anti-gun and pro-gay positions or Mitt Romney’s mid-career conversion against abortion. Rewarded with rock- star treatment at CPAC, both of those presidential hopefuls eagerly brandished their support for President George W. Bush on the war—if they were forced to talk about it.

A man abandoned, even demonized, by his scandal-ridden, untrustworthy party, Senator Hagel is one Republican every American, blue, red, white, and green, should applaud. In an atmosphere of broken promises and conditional statements, Chuck Hagel is leaving the Senate, just like he promised to.

As he boards what might be the last conservative train out of Washington, I salute Chuck Hagel for his service to our country, service has gone massively under-appreciated by those who should be his supporters and by those who have attacked him for doing the right thing from the beginning. It is unfortunate that his recognition is only coming at the end of a praise-worthy Senate tenure, and that his retirement will be overshadowed by both a war and Presidential campaign that smacks of opportunism from nearly every angle.

I don't want no aggravation
When my train has left the station
If you're there or not, I may not even know
Have a round and remember
Things we did that weren't so tender
Let the train blow the whistle when I go

On my guitar sell tickets
So someone can finally pick it
And tell the girls down at the Ritz I said hello
Tell the gossipers and liars I will see them in the fire
Let the train blow the whistle when I go

- Johnny Cash

Revenge of the 90's

• Some people are suggesting that the surge is ending next summer not because it has accomplished anything, but because we are incapable of sustaining our troop levels beyond that. An anecdote: Two years ago, on a blisteringly hot summer day, two friends and I decided we would attend Chicago's Gay Pride parade. In the spirit of the revelry, we got some 20 oz. bottles of Coca-Cola, drank some, and mixed the rest with whiskey. However, between the heat and the thousands of bodies lining Halsted Street, we were all sweating quite a bit and noticed that we weren't actually getting a buzz from the booze, we were just going from sober to hungover. Determined, we headed inside an air-conditioned bar for a beer, but after one round, decided our hearts weren't in it. So we packed it in and went home, because we were all cranky and had headaches. By this time next year, 30,000 troops will be brought home tired and cranky, and lucky if all they have is a headache for the afternoon (presuming of course that they all survive). Well over 100,000 troops will be forced to stay in Iraq, which is far less pleasant than a dank but air-conditioned Lakeview pub. They'll try desperately to accomplish a positive outcome though we've already demonstrated that it just isn't going to happen.

• Gasoline prices are through the roof, the United States buys more oil than anyone else in the world from countries that fund Islamic terrorism while simultaneously spending billions of dollars every month to fight Islamic terrorism, and we're starting to feel the heat from global warming. But our Transportation Secretary doesn't want any money to go to bike paths, because bicycles aren't actually transportation, and the peanuts they have been spending on bicycle transportation infrastructure is what really caused the I-35W bridge collapse.

• Alberto Gonzalez leaves the Department of Justice today, with some choice words:

"We're all human and all of us make mistakes, and the thing that's important is to identify when those mistakes are made, acknowledge the mistakes, correct the mistakes and then you move on. So, you know, that's what I've endeavored to do as the attorney general."

• Former New Hampshire Governor, current Director of the Harvard Institute of Politics, and Laura Bush look-alike Jeanne Shaheen has decided that she's going to try and unseat Republican Senator John Sununu next year. According to The Fix, she's already leading him by double digits. Harry Reid is going to have to stop hiding behind those pesky cloture rules real soon.

• Unfortunately, it seems Newt Gingrich will not run for president. I say "unfortunately" because I think he's easy to beat, and because he consistently provides really, really entertaining quotes. On the upside, this strikes a blow at the surging popularity of 90's rehashes (which I will universally condemn, with the exception of the awesome new Dinosaur Jr. album).

• I sort of want Rudy Giuliani to win the primaries just so I can watch him get stomped in the general election. On the other hand, he scares the crap out of me.

• Bono and George W. Bush now have something in common other than my loathing and disgust.

• Apparently there was some thing where a football team was spying on someone. So now Bill Richardson has released a statement complaining that the New England Patriots are getting in more trouble than the president is getting in for spying on you (yes, you). The Chicago Tribune asks, "So is Richardson saying he thinks the president should have to give up a first-round draft choice, too?" Conveniently enough, Harry Reid is trying to make sure that Bush is going to lose his "first-round draft choice" for who's enforcing those rules about domestic spying.
  

• If you think it's ridiculous that the President is telling us that we'll be back to our 2006 troop levels in Iraq by 2008, don't worry. We'll actually have upwards of 10,000 more troops than we had in 2006 staying past next summer's withdrawal date.

• OJ Simpson wrote a book about how and why he "didn't" his ex-wife. Now he's telling the police that he wasn't armed when he didn't break into a hotel room and rob it.

A word of introduction

I've invited a good friend of mine, William Schuth, to join me in writing in this space. I talk to him a lot about the things I post about here, because I appreciate his perspective on Iraq (having served there in the not too distant past with the Marines) and his perspective as someone far more conservative than myself (though certainly not in line with the current neo-conservative movement). I'm glad to have that perspective and that intellect shared here.

At least with Madonna you can claim a Zionist conspiracy

• Someone finally discovered the secret: Madonna and Britney Spears have been doing what they do for the sole purpose of pissing off Islamic fundamentalists. And now the chickens are coming home to roost.

• Well, at least for now, the egg is on my face. Fred "Why Bother?" Thompson is bumping Rudy Giuliani down in the polls. I suppose a man with no concrete agenda would make a better president than a man who wants to keep America safe by raping us all with plungers.

• Germany is making driving safer by taking away all traffic signs and lights. People drive more cautiously because they no longer assume that everyone else is following all the traffic laws.

• I'm not opposed to religion in a general sense, having grown up with it and having seen the positive effects in can have (for example). However, I have taken and passed junior high history classes (and have a passable knowledge of current events), so I know the catastrophically negative effects it can have, and I occasionally wonder how much more peaceful the world could be if we didn't have God to fight over. So when I hear that more than half of America is blissfully unfamiliar with the protections for and from religion the First Amendment, I get real nervous. Also, Constitution and religious wars aside, I am offended as a music fan by the fact that 43% of Americans want Christian music and nativity scenes in schools. There are two kinds of music that I just can't abide: Christian rock and Christmas music. I don't want kids being exposed to that kind of trash.

• Thankfully, James Dobson's influence is waning anyway.

• "The last remnants of the old Republic have been swept away." -- Grand Moff Putin.

• Being in a Guns N' Roses tribute band absolves you of being in Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

• Bob Kerrey may be a flip-flopper just like John Kerry, he's at least interesting about it, which means he'll probably win.

• The President decides to keep the extra power he gave himself for another year.

• A Republican Congressional Aide tries to provide perspective about how long it would actually take to complete a successful withdrawal from Iraq. The analogy he provides, though, presumes that the government is actually going to get their asses in gear and give the order, which is not going to happen. Yes, it takes a long time to properly re-deploy, but you have to actually tell them they can re-deploy first, which our dumb president and his loyal sheep in Congress refuses to do.

• The President is calling the Petraeus strategy a "Return to Success." But see, if it had been a success in the first place, we wouldn't be having to deal with this anymore.

• A Mark Warner bid for Senate puts Virginia within the realm of possibility for the Democrats for the presidency for the first time since 1964. 13 electoral votes isn't quite Florida or Ohio, but it's certainly interesting.
  

Priorities

• Today's best headline: "Gingrich: Iraq part of larger, poorly fought war."
  
• I feel like I should be more impressed that Led Zeppelin are doing a live show again.
• Brent Hinds of Mastodon is in the hospital an incident (which may or may not have been a "brutal assault") at MTV's Video Music Awards. By all accounts, Brent is a really nice guy and I'll personally bear witness to him being serious rock and roller, and I wish him the best of luck recuperating. Despite this bad news, I would like to take a moment to mention that there is still hope for the world: MTV let Mastodon play on the VMA's.
• Speaking of hope, the Petraeus strategy isn't our only one: The Pentagon is drafting an alternative proposal which calls for bringing home 2/3 of the troops in Iraq ASAP.
  
• Some people actually have their priorities straight: A guy gets robbed at gunpoint and the burglars take all of his pot. The cops go after the burglars and not the guy with the pot.
• More people watched the Spanish-language presidential debate than typically watch the English ones. I'm not sure if this says something about political apathy amongst the English-speaking community, a sense of political duty in the Spanish-speaking community, or the need for a candidate who isn't going to go on a deportation binge. Part of me suspects that the GOP hasn't scheduled a similar debate because they don't want to explain to 4.6 million potential voters their policy that immigrants are criminals, a blight on our economy, and may very likely be terrorists.
• Iraqis hate the American occupation, but want us to stay where we are so they don't all get murdered in their sleep. I understand the paradox, as I support the withdrawal of American troops but dread the abominable upswing in violence in Iraq when we do.
• Nancy Pelosi snaps at a member of the press for failing to lob her a softball question, then refuses to answer it. Procedural obstacles aside, it's hard to feel anything less than disappointed in her and in Harry Reid.
  

It's just a Ride

• Apparently, instead of looking for the next Ronald Reagan, someone's looking for the next Richard Nixon. Somebody have this man brought in for questioning.
• For years now, I've been concerned about whether or not I wanted a Democrat to follow George W. Bush or not. Bush has botched just about everything so badly that I don't want everything to come crashing down into chaos when a Democrat is in the office. But it appears that Bush is going to do his best to push any major fixes until after he's out off office, and he knows it.
• The GAO just does not like George W. Bush.
• Jazz legend Joe Zawinul is dead.
  

Six years ago, something pretty bad happened. Since then a lot of bad things have happened to our country, and a lot of bad things have happened to other countries because of us, and because of what was started on four airplanes in 2001. Some people still know what it's supposed to be about. But some people have gotten a lot harder, and people have gotten scared, and people have gotten angry. In your eyes, this passage may or may not be applicable, and those of you who know me will have seen this before, but it's become a guidepost for me and it bears repeating.

The world is like a ride at an amusement park. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride...” But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. Jesus - murdered; Martin Luther King - murdered; Malcolm X - murdered; Gandhi - murdered; John Lennon - murdered; Reagan... wounded. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

--Bill Hicks

Think about that, and think about what Colin Powell said, and think about the past six years of global history. Then make your choice.

Clear all the madness

Today, General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker are reporting back to Congress about the progress of the troop surge in Iraq. Through painstaking research, I have determined that there are only four ways to approach these proceedings.

Option #1) You have known what General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker have to say for the last month. You have seen the numbers and understand that there has been a 75% decrease in sectarian violence. The surge is working, just as you knew it would. Petraeus is going to suggest a slow draw-down, which is a real, tangible sign of progress. We can win in Iraq!

Option #2) You have known what General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker have to say for the last month. You have seen the numbers, and understand that these statistics are a complete snow-job, and that at best, the level of sectarian killing is remaining constant. The surge is a failure, and we need to withdraw from Iraq as soon as possible. This has been a clusterfuck from day one, and nothing we do now is going to make it any better.

Option #3) You realize that everyone made up their minds about what Petraeus and Crocker had to say last month, and that despite all of the publicity, nothing that happens today really changes anything, so you dug out your copy of It Takes a Nation of Millions and you've listening to "Don't Believe the Hype" on repeat all morning.

Option #4) General what? What happened to Schwarzkopf? Oh man, this Nimoy record is so aweso . . . DUDE! WHO SPILLED THE BONGWATER? PARTY FOUL!

You know what America needs? More Qaddafi supporters in the White House

• Republicans used to like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but then he started talking sense and they don't like him anymore.
• I haven't been paying too much to Senator/Presidential candidate/public non-entity Chris Dodd much, but this is the second time he's caught my eye, with a favorable reaction (here's the first).
• Fred "Waste of Time, Money, and Oxygen" Thompson helped defend Libyan terrorists. THAT'S going to go over well in the red states.
• Arlen Specter easily has the best quote of the day: "What Sen. Craig did was by no means intelligent."
• Science proves that conservatives are mentally deficient. No, really.
• Kid Rock: just as classy as ever!
  
• Pitchfork lovers and Pitchfork haters alike, take heed!
  

Think about it.

• George Bush doesn't care about black people, or polar bears.
• I stand corrected. Fred Thompson isn't the Wes Clark of 2008, he's the Carol Mosely Braun.
• Like rats from a sinking ship . . .

On September 8, 1504, Michelangelo unveiled David. On September 8, 1966, the television show Star Trek debuted. Think about it.

They won't go to hell, but they'll visit with the devil

• Not only is the upcoming Petraeus report going to be full of faulty numbers, it's NOT EVEN GOING TO EXIST. Many of you will remember in 2004, when there was a bipartisan commission investigating the failures of the intelligence that became the pretense for the invasion of Iraq. When asked in an interview by Tim Russert if he would testify before the commission, Bush said he'd agree to "visit with them," but not testify. We're now letting our government be run by people who are willing to "visit with" bodies that are designed to hold them accountable, but who aren't willing to submit anything formal for consideration, so everything can be retroactively spun.

• The problem with living in Illinois is that I'd write angry letters to my senators, but they do what I want them to do anyway. Frustrating.
  

• Clarence Thomas requires his staff to watch The Fountainhead. Yes, this man is a judge on the Supreme Court. And celebrates the cult of Ayn Rand. I can think of few things more frightening.
  

If it's Friday, it must be a slow news day

I opened my email this morning to discover an email from James Carville at the DSCC, with a link to their new voter-chosen official bumper sticker slogan for the 2008 elections. I learned two things from this link.

1. I had to click on a link to see a video about a bumper sticker slogan. That is such a waste of resources. They couldn't have just sent out a jpg? Someone needs to lose their job over that.
2. The slogan is "Sorry W, I'm the decider." The fact that, out of 10,000+ submissions, this slogan was chosen by Democratic voters as the best indicates to me that the Democrats are incapable of handling their own rhetoric, too dumb to choose their own nominees in a presidential primary, and possibly not even smart or creative enough to run the country. Unfortunately for the world, they're still better than the League of Thieves and Sex Criminals GOP.

In other news,

• "The poll also found that Mitt Romney is "far and away" viewed as the most religious presidential candidate -- even topping George W. Bush in that category." -- Please, please, PLEASE tell me George W. Bush isn't running for president again.
• Interestingly enough, one of the alternate DNC bumper sticker slogans was (as I recall: they've taken the other contenders off the site), "Osama Bin Laden still has a job. Do you?"
  
• If everyone isn't reading Dan Froomkin's columns, you need to start. The Post gave him a job of covering the White House, and he's out there all the time watching what they do and how it's getting covered, and slamming his head up against the wall trying to get people to realize what's going on. He's got a remarkable ability to ground his observations in reality, keep track of what's been said before, pick through all the spin, and point out what you need to know.