Pre-emptive blogging.

I'm taking most of the day off tomorrow, so I'll be pretty out of the news loop. As such, I expect that there will be lots of important and surprising news stories to snark about. Here are some possibilities:

1. Dick Cheney dies, transfers his dark essence to a younger clone body, assumes power once more, and then eats a kitten on national television.
2. Michael Chertoff reveals that he looks so much like The Crimson Ghost because he has cancer of the soul and has been undergoing chemotherapy.
3. George W. Bush nominates Michael Brown to be Attorney General.
4. Arlen Specter announces his candidacy for the Presidency on the Unity08 ticket, with George Soros as his running mate.
5. Larry Craig asserts his heterosexuality by getting loaded on Coors and bouncing quarters off of Condi Rice's ass, only to be forced from his position for being attracted to a black woman. Craig announces his plans to go back to bouncing quarters off of Tucker Carlson's ass.
6. The Thompson Center and the UFO on top of Soldier Field fly off and return to their home planet.
7. Rudy Giuliani caught cheating on this, his ninth wife, asks for gay marriage to be legalized so he can marry the man he was cheating on her with.
8. Slayer announces plans for an upcoming acoustic album consisting of covers of James Taylor songs.
   
9. Iowa will hold its caucuses. Tomorrow.
10. Chris Dodd will win the Iowa Caucuses.