Today, General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker are reporting back to Congress about the progress of the troop surge in Iraq. Through painstaking research, I have determined that there are only four ways to approach these proceedings.
Option #1) You have known what General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker have to say for the last month. You have seen the numbers and understand that there has been a 75% decrease in sectarian violence. The surge is working, just as you knew it would. Petraeus is going to suggest a slow draw-down, which is a real, tangible sign of progress. We can win in Iraq!
Option #2) You have known what General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker have to say for the last month. You have seen the numbers, and understand that these statistics are a complete snow-job, and that at best, the level of sectarian killing is remaining constant. The surge is a failure, and we need to withdraw from Iraq as soon as possible. This has been a clusterfuck from day one, and nothing we do now is going to make it any better.
Option #3) You realize that everyone made up their minds about what Petraeus and Crocker had to say last month, and that despite all of the publicity, nothing that happens today really changes anything, so you dug out your copy of It Takes a Nation of Millions and you've listening to "Don't Believe the Hype" on repeat all morning.
Option #4) General what? What happened to Schwarzkopf? Oh man, this Nimoy record is so aweso . . . DUDE! WHO SPILLED THE BONGWATER? PARTY FOUL!
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