Revenge of the 90's

• Some people are suggesting that the surge is ending next summer not because it has accomplished anything, but because we are incapable of sustaining our troop levels beyond that. An anecdote: Two years ago, on a blisteringly hot summer day, two friends and I decided we would attend Chicago's Gay Pride parade. In the spirit of the revelry, we got some 20 oz. bottles of Coca-Cola, drank some, and mixed the rest with whiskey. However, between the heat and the thousands of bodies lining Halsted Street, we were all sweating quite a bit and noticed that we weren't actually getting a buzz from the booze, we were just going from sober to hungover. Determined, we headed inside an air-conditioned bar for a beer, but after one round, decided our hearts weren't in it. So we packed it in and went home, because we were all cranky and had headaches. By this time next year, 30,000 troops will be brought home tired and cranky, and lucky if all they have is a headache for the afternoon (presuming of course that they all survive). Well over 100,000 troops will be forced to stay in Iraq, which is far less pleasant than a dank but air-conditioned Lakeview pub. They'll try desperately to accomplish a positive outcome though we've already demonstrated that it just isn't going to happen.

• Gasoline prices are through the roof, the United States buys more oil than anyone else in the world from countries that fund Islamic terrorism while simultaneously spending billions of dollars every month to fight Islamic terrorism, and we're starting to feel the heat from global warming. But our Transportation Secretary doesn't want any money to go to bike paths, because bicycles aren't actually transportation, and the peanuts they have been spending on bicycle transportation infrastructure is what really caused the I-35W bridge collapse.

• Alberto Gonzalez leaves the Department of Justice today, with some choice words:

"We're all human and all of us make mistakes, and the thing that's important is to identify when those mistakes are made, acknowledge the mistakes, correct the mistakes and then you move on. So, you know, that's what I've endeavored to do as the attorney general."

• Former New Hampshire Governor, current Director of the Harvard Institute of Politics, and Laura Bush look-alike Jeanne Shaheen has decided that she's going to try and unseat Republican Senator John Sununu next year. According to The Fix, she's already leading him by double digits. Harry Reid is going to have to stop hiding behind those pesky cloture rules real soon.

• Unfortunately, it seems Newt Gingrich will not run for president. I say "unfortunately" because I think he's easy to beat, and because he consistently provides really, really entertaining quotes. On the upside, this strikes a blow at the surging popularity of 90's rehashes (which I will universally condemn, with the exception of the awesome new Dinosaur Jr. album).

• I sort of want Rudy Giuliani to win the primaries just so I can watch him get stomped in the general election. On the other hand, he scares the crap out of me.

• Bono and George W. Bush now have something in common other than my loathing and disgust.

• Apparently there was some thing where a football team was spying on someone. So now Bill Richardson has released a statement complaining that the New England Patriots are getting in more trouble than the president is getting in for spying on you (yes, you). The Chicago Tribune asks, "So is Richardson saying he thinks the president should have to give up a first-round draft choice, too?" Conveniently enough, Harry Reid is trying to make sure that Bush is going to lose his "first-round draft choice" for who's enforcing those rules about domestic spying.
  

• If you think it's ridiculous that the President is telling us that we'll be back to our 2006 troop levels in Iraq by 2008, don't worry. We'll actually have upwards of 10,000 more troops than we had in 2006 staying past next summer's withdrawal date.

• OJ Simpson wrote a book about how and why he "didn't" his ex-wife. Now he's telling the police that he wasn't armed when he didn't break into a hotel room and rob it.