Nixon to Thompson: You ain't nothin' but a hound dog...

God bless Richard Nixon. I mean that. Today the oft-beleaguered but fascinating crook former President reached from beyond the grave to give us yet another reason to laugh at one of the mainstream GOP candidates. Had Nixon not taped every last bit of his Presidency, we'd likely never have learned today that, in Tricky Dick's opinion, Fred Thompson is "dumb as hell". Of course, we might also have had five terms of Richard Nixon in the White House. Nonetheless, I proudly nominate the ghost of Richard Nixon to head the RNC. Even dead, Dick would damn sure do a better job than Mel Martinez, another Republican who apparently is dumb as hell.

I'm not old enough to remember what Nixon might have thought of the candidacy of Ronald Reagan. I can vividly remember watching Nixon's funeral on TV as a fifth-grader because I was mesmerized by the sight of Presidents Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush I, and Clinton (with their respective First Ladies) sitting together in the back yard of Nixon's birthplace. However, as I wasn't yet born when Reagan re-routed the Rockefeller-ized Republican Party in 1980, my personal discovery of any Nixon remarks on The Great Communicator will have to wait until I the American release of Lord Crossharbour's new book.

It seems rather obvious that Thompson is positioning himself as the Reagan of the 21st Century. Even more interesting is the internal competition within the GOP bears resemblance to the era which gave us our first professional actor in the White House (Note the emphasis on professional actor. Plenty of the occupants of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. have been unjustly robbed of Oscars simply because they don't have SAG memberships.) Instead of the Rockefeller Republicans of the mid-to-late 20th Century we have the Rudy RINOS of the 21st Century.

Plagiarising Reagan's playbook appears to be the Thompson 2008 strategy. While Reagan would have grasped the importance of this particular moment in history and risen to the occasion just as he did in the waning days of the Cold War, Thompson is showing himself to be just what Richard Nixon said he was - dumb.

Here's a bit of what Nixon had to say about Fred:

H.R. Haldeman: Baker has appointed Fred Thompson as [Senate Watergate Committee] minority counsel.

Tricky Dick: Oh shit, that kid.

Haldeman: I guess so.

The Baker referred to above is Howard Baker, ranking minority member of the above-mentioned Senate Watergate Committee. Baker himself was a GOP candidate for President in 1980 and Reagan's Chief of Staff (1987-1988). Fred Thompson was Baker's campaign manager in 1972. No surprise that Fred returned the favor and once again connected himself to Ronald Reagan by making Baker co-chair of his candidacy.

From another tape:

Alexander Haig: He's talking to Fred Thompson. I said you're not --

Tricky Dick: Oh shit, he's dumb as hell. Fred Thompson, who is he? He won't say anything.

The general implication from President Nixon is that, like any good basset hound, Fred Thompson isn't very smart, but he's loyal. That's an excellent trait in a dog, but a pretty poor one in a President.

To paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen, Fred Thompson is no Ronald Reagan (and he's damn sure no Robert Taft). Unlike Reagan's impressive transition from silver screen to Governor's Mansion to White House, Fred's just a small-screen actor unable to translate his marginal talent and dim wits into a role too demanding for him. Sure, he's loyal to his party, but he's not smart enough to know how to lead it.

For that, the Republicans need a guy like Richard Nixon.